Saturday, April 12, 2014

The Past

First of all, I have no idea who am I talking about. This was too long ago that I've been keeping it in my draft. I decided to publish it now because I think it was supposed to be published. I guess this was about some guy I loved and never want him to leave. Clearly I made it out, I got over it and here I am, smiling to every single person :) 
You were the best thing that ever happened to me. No one could actually replace you or be better than you. Maybe its just me who can't get over it. I'd do something to help myself. Tried so hard, i gave up. You said everyone deserves a second chance, but it seems to be everyone else but not me. You don't give people second chance but you demand for it. This is an unfair world. I couldn't really do anything to get what i want. All i can do is just get over you or just wait. I was stupid back then, i shouldn't have taken your words as real. Non of those words you told me were real, it was all fake. You never even gave me a reason why you left. Somehow you just walk away as you like without looking back. I'm just like an idiot for you. Being there for you all the time but not even once you'll be there for me. Now i'm just sick of everything. But i never once regret about it. I was happy with you and I appreciate it. It was lucky for me to had you once. I am happy with my life now although i'd cry when the flashback hits me. I'd smile when you talk to me. I'd be happy when we meet. I'd dream of you if i'm lucky enough. I just hope for the best of you. 
Every guy that steps into my life has their own personality. Non of them have the same as yours. I always compare them with you. You are still the best among all. They talk to me, they fall for me. But the problem is i don't. I want to remain friends with them, not just friends, maybe best friends? It never happens. They came and they leave. Why are people so eager for a relationship? Don't you think friends are way better? Maybe its just me who think so. I wanted to be honest with them but i don't want to lose them so I've been hesitating if i should tell. Keeping it to myself all the time, telling no one. It makes me a faker. Faking all the emotions from people. It hurts so much hiding my emotions, and there's no one I could tell.
:)

Friday, April 11, 2014

Thoughts

Sitting on my bed, laying my back on the pillow with the laptop on my lap. On my left side, there's a puppy. Who's so in love with me, we're in love with each other. Everything came across my mind, everyone came across, everyone from my past or present. This puppy taught me how to love, taught me what loyalty is and how to care. Most important thing is, he taught me how to take care of people's heart. I learnt so much from my past. I never realized how much I learnt to be better till I found my old friend, till we talked about our life. I was immature, I was lame. Now that I grew up, I'm never going to stop growing up to be a better person. Time to leave my ego behind. I will forgive everyone in my past, as I already forget what exactly happened. I want you all back in my life, and never giving up on any of you anymore. I will be a great person who put a smile on people. I will care for those who care for me. But don't ever judge me, because you only see what I choose to show, there is a lot that you don't know. Too bad for those who hates me, it is your choice to have an enemy. I won't interrupt your life cause you seems to be happy without me. But if you say hello to me, I will smile and return back a hello.

*Peace out*

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The end of another story.

I thought I was free, but I will never be. I tried giving us a chance but the chance flew away. I wanted it to be smooth, but all I get was rough. I wanted everything to be the same, but all I had was different. I expect things to be nice, but the unexpected happens. I thought it was the best choice for both us, but it seems like I am the one can't get over it. But if I am given a chance, I wouldn't want it. Because I don't fucking know what's on my mind. I do not know what I want but the decision has to be made immediately, and I moved on.

Miss Jealousy and Mr. Anger hit on me at the same time. Now I know I really do have to move on, because I will never bump into Mr. chance, or I will just ignore and never giving it a chance. I am not the one for you, not an entertainer either. So please don't come saying hello to me. There you go, another whatever awesome girl you admire, you like or you had. I am just gonna be in your past, you'll be in mine. Go have fun with the other girls out there you want.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Fuck you pathetic boy! ;)

Seeing your post and everything does hurt me alot, but most of all it pissed me off. My ego was telling me don't care bout this kinda person. Not worth my time. Just ignore and smile at it, how stupid it is. I felt like a dead person when I see everything, but I guess that's not me. I decided to stay alive and play with it. I won't be the goddamn loser. Everything that happened showed me how much lies I've believe in, well done Sir. You've got the stupidest girl ever.

Sometimes I realize how much I hate to be myself. I hate that I decide everything when I'm happy. Right now I regretted it all. People said never decide things when you're happy, that's so true. I should have listen to them. I hate that I trusted people easily. I hate that I didn't look at the true colors of someone. I hate to be excited for everything. I hate the future about being together. Especially promises, fuckin' hate it. If someone who's going to make a promise to me again, I'm gonna fuck that up.

It's the third night. I was thinking and decided. So maybe someday somehow you're gonna be like 'hey' or something, I would be like 'who the hell are you?'. Remember your 'no matter what happen i'm always with you'? Shit that, now i'm saying this, no matter what and how you please me, I will never go back to those most idiotic days that full of lies from your damn mouth. Suddenly I just realize how much difference are there between the You before getting me and the You after getting me. I really should thanks for all this, for what happened between us, because I finally know how much bullshit you've told me. This will be my last fucking night to think bout all these shits. Hopefully when i'm awake tomorrow, you are just some guy from my dream but never exist on earth. After tonight, there won't be any tears from my eyes, or any stupid feelings. I am just gonna be a normal girl that you hate. You think you're special? Yeah you are Sir, special like a weirdo. I am so happy for you to be such a pathetic boy. 

Now I'm pleasing you to not interrupt my life anymore. Thank you so much, really will appreciate that. :)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

It's the end.

I remember when i was a kid, how i stepped into a primary school being a standard one kid. The best memory of being a primary kid was when i climbed to the roof top with the other two friends, meichern & stephanie :) Of course we got caught by the teacher. The very next morning, we're asked to go up on stage to say "wo yi hou bu gan zai zuo cuo shi le " three times :D it was suppose to be embarrassing but all of us was laughing after saying that. Hah, we're just kids who knows how to have fun but don't know the consequence. But sadly I have to leave the school after standard 5, leaving my friends. Getting into a new school, being around with strangers over there. Everyone looking at me. I was so nervous and shy and scared, didn't know what should i do at all. Until some of the girls talk to me, felt better. *Ohya, there's only 7 girls including me* The most memorable things that happened to me was when i fought with this guy, he was the worst guy in school. Never thought that I would have a problem with him. It was a long story, lazy to tell. But end up i won :P all the guys scare of me, idk why but I tried to be nice. I had three injuries in the same year. One was I played too much and kicked on the glass door, and it hurts my feet. You can still see a scare on it if you don't mind smelling my feet. Another one was related to my mum lol. Well, it hurts my nose badly, bleed alot. *Ouch* Third one was i fell down at the playground behind my primary school. Hurt my right hand. Couldn't move my hand for almost two weeks. Transferring to another school gave me a freaking chance to get into the most awesome high school, cgl :) *although i went to Union before that, IT SUCKS!* I love the school, and SOME teachers *I hate most of them* and everything begins...

It was my first day being at cgl in the end of the first month of the year. The feeling of being a new kid in a school was really scary. I was a nerd, a coward, some really retarded fella. I don't talk much to strangers. Nagging my mum to not leave me to school so early everyday. Nagging my mum that i don't want to take the school bus. Going to school is like a nightmare for me! Until i met Jessi. Everything goes well. More and more new students came to cgl. Met Jess, Farahinn, Szeying, Melanie and so on. I wasn't happy most of the time being with them. Kept regretting getting into the school. Friendship was the worst thing in my life until i left all of them. We're still friends but ain't the one i mixed with the most. Except Jessi, she stays. I remember I skip school for the very first time and it was the last time too. Together with Vivien, the one who taught me how to break the school rules ;) we took the rapid bus, it was our first time. Since then, i'm not afraid of any teachers anymore xb

It was Form 2 that I left them. Getting into a different class, seeing all the different faces. So I met Lina. I don't really like her though, figuring out should i just ignore her or talk to her. There was a little argument before but we end up turns to be good friends :) We did everything together but we don't share secrets. Well she gossip around, thats the fact. & that is how i know things about people around the school. I don't really know how my first gang got together. There's me, Jessi, Lina, Jacky, Nyon & Qianhui. We starts to stick together all the time. Being in a group for every subject's group work. Like usual, we talk we laugh we sleep we eat we work together all the time. This is how we formed Bboks gang. Most epic things are, Lina taught us how to go on porn website xd our topics then starts to be all about porn xp LOL*okay, its actually very common at these age. So shutup and keep reading :P* I remember there's once, Lina and me got into a trouble. That was my first time to be sent to the principal's room. It was about that bitch who gave us computer lessons. I still think we're RIGHT so i went and kicked her car and luckily got warned by a good discipline teacher who saw me kicking the car. In the same year Vivien got into a big trouble too. Can't really remember but i know she cried. My first "surat aku janji" was signed in the same year for screwing a prefect. Well she's a bitch too xp. I took part in cake decorating competition, i got 1st place & the prize is just a file...... But my mum was proud of me yo :)

Another year came, Lina was in a different class with us. We stick together whenever we can. Skip class just to crap together xp every lesson changed, we get out of the class until the teacher came. Monitors keep yelling at us, asking us to get back into the class. But we didn't want to. Demerits were collected every month. Second "Surat aku janji" were signed in the same year. There's once, me, Jessi and Vivien were passing letter. Talking about the form teacher, Miss Chang who changed our place so far apart from each other. Vivien and me wrote some vulgars and cursed her. Unfortunately, the teacher saw it when we were throwing around. She asked for the paper and she read it all. My parents then was asked to meet the discipline teachers and i got into a big trouble. Lina left to KL in that year, all the friends were crying...well not me. For some other reasons, I cried in the school for the freaking first time. The worst birthday I ever had was in this year. It was really bad, no celebration at all. & i remember what happend. I will never forget but i guess i forgive.

Vivien then leave the school to hamid khan in the beginning of 2010. The school kicked her out because of her behavior. All her friends cried so much. I was pretty sad. That year was so new to all of us. I decided to dumped everything aside, and just focus on studies. Addmath was pretty easy for the first 6 months. After that 6 months, my results were like shit. Guess I played too much. My mum didn't know anything bout it because I changed all my information to fake one. So that the school can't contact my parents at all. I remember i got lectured so much during open day. My laptop got confiscated because of the teacher, Pn. Chua. Never i will respect her. All her words are bullshits. My beloved Pn. Liew, addmath/math teacher, was pregnant and she gave birth to a son. An Indian young lady came and replaced her. Everyone thinks she's better, but heck no, Pn. Liew is the best teacher in cgl ! :) The best moment of the year was Him gave me a big box on my birthday. I got it in school through Cherie. Inside the box was a little doggie :D I am still hugging this doggie every night although he left. Friends do come and go. I doubt when someone says they will not leave me. That's bullshit. I had an argument with my mum about my birthday plans, it was cancelled but endup it delayed until September. Celebrated in E&O hotel with a bunch of friends. It was the most hilarious night. Angel and Cherie were drunk, and i was blamed to be good. Well a long story too :D But i will always remember how fun that night was. October was when i start to know things about a band. Start knowing more and more people. Starts to be more socialize. & that is how i got my English improved so much. I just want to thank all of them, never i will forget any of you.

So finally the Spm year began, its also our final year. I wasn't really scare of it, i'm just excited for it to come and i'll get my freedom when its over! Every teacher starts to be panic and rushing themselves to finish all the syllabus. All i did in class was, sleeping, eating, talking, dreaming. Except for addmath and math's classes, I paid full attention to it! It has always been my favourite subjects. I remember Pn. Liew cried in the class when she was really stress and disappointed on us. I was shocked. It happens once and no more. I don't wish for that to happen again. Our sejarah teacher, Pn Hooi, who always yelled, "Minli, Jessica, please wakeup! " *with cute little angry face* She speaks very fast like a bird, her hand-writting is "fantastic" as she said. Everything she do is just FAST. Her favourite cartoon is "chitty chitty bang bang". She always talks about that cartoon and even sang the song! Which i have no idea what the heck is that, but still, she's really cute when she talks about that because she's already old, like about 50+ ? im not sure, but when someone old talks about cartoons is really cute :3 I miss her alot, especially when she got pissed off, her reaction and expression are funny, like really funny ;D Disturbing her during her lessons was the best thing to do. How i wish i can still do that everyday :( She even lectured me infront of my mother, i seriously got into BIG trouble when i got home. But i think there's something wrong with her brain :O OH, Pn. Chua was supposed to continue being our form teacher but who knows it became Miss Thum. I heard Pn Chua went to China because of her husband's job *well maybe she's afraid of her husband having another chick huh :P* Haha well I really suffered alot with this Miss Thum. Doesn't really like her since form 1. But I still want to thank her for teaching me accounts although i never once pay attention during her lessons. When Spm was around the corner, she kept reminding me which topics i should practice more and so on. I remember she always tried to be more friendly with me. She even disturbed me, saying "minli, lu ki meh ai ki toh lok wet? kia wa lang peh peh ki." me, "huh?". & when i was sleeping in the class, she will come to me and say, "Eh minli, zho mi aneh ai kun? zha meh ki toh lok wet?" me "bo lah". Every time when she talks to me, I was feeling weird and hoping the conversation ends faster. Its weird when someone you doesn't really like talks to you so much. Well maybe it's me myself being too sensitive. I wish I still have the chance to be disturbed by her. Pn Indra was my english teacher for 3 years. Nothing much i can talk about her but I know she kept complaining about me and my friends speaking mandarin but not english :D So for the last year, I spoke english in front of her *it's just me and jacky* She doesn't really give us homework or even if she did, I never pass it up on time. I only did when she got really pissed. I think she's the most relaxing teacher in cgl. Her lessons was the best time for us to do anything we want. She doesn't really teach though. In short, she seems like she doesn't really care. Here comes the only male teacher who taught us, Mr Hooi. He taught us Econs. I bet he was very disappointed on me when he did his best to helped me but I didn't want to put in effort and try my best. Seriously I am not interested in Econs at all. Just for Spm, I did my best for it. He was also the mentor and i'm one of the mentee. Its something called mentor-mentee. His job is to understand the students and give them advice. Which i don't give a shit about it at all. Whenever he walked by, he'll definitely say "HiHi" *his famous quote* There's once, me and Jacky was trying to insult this Miss Ho, other class addmath teacher, who always gave demerits with stupid reasons which doesn't even makes sense. We walked passed her class for two times saying "white chicken" until we bumped into Mr. Hooi & we've got a planned. We asked him to say chicken right after Jacky say white. While walking pass the class again, they both began to say "white" "chicken" "white" "chicken" "white " "chicken" It was hilarious. I got reported for being rude to a teacher who is my BM teacher for two years, Pn Hafizah. She said i kicked the chair to release my anger and bang the stuff when she asked me to get back to my place. Well yeah, i did bang the stuff but I didn't meant to kicked the chair. I was only pushing the chair to aside with my freaking leg. Oh well -.- I got 24 demerits just because of that. Hated her so much since that day but during form 5. I realize she's quite good to us but still she's being a little selfish. She doesn't give demerits to her class students but gave us alot. I got warned from her the most i guess. Pn Shamala was my science teacher. She's really nice until we're not afraid of her. I've never seen her got pissed before. My impression of her is her very sweet smile only, nothing else. My moral teacher, LEE SUI FONG. Duh Never liked her before. Don't even wanna talk about it. It was really lucky, for the last month before Spm starts, I got into Pn. Rajes moral class. It was awesome, much better than lsf's class. I always like Pn Rajes class, everything she said makes sense and its true. She was my form 3's sejarah teacher. Because of her, I once got 64% for my sejarah exam. Well I don't respect any of them except for Pn. Liew. I just think she's the greatest teacher in cgl. It was funny when she scolded me for being late to her class, i was kinda laughing and she got even pissed :P after awhile when she calmed down, she said im crazy that i still can laugh when im being scolded. Lol.

The best food in cgl is Cktpttmtg. "Char Koay Teow puah tam ta mai taugeh" Hah! Its my favourite. I ate that every single day! only when there's school. Next is the fried chicken then fried potatoes and many more! Damn I miss all those delicious food. Cheap and nice. For the last year, I am really proud of myself for winning 2nd place in cross country. Got a freaking silver medal. Got 1st place in treasure hunt competition for art club *we cheated* lol I remember how Pn. Liew dancing with me in the hall when everyone was looking at us. It was so embarrassing. Never thought she would do that to me. Only me and Jacky she did to :D I really miss the school right now. All the amazing memories were from there.

Friends are the main reason I went to school. I said it was a nightmare for me but after I found them, I have no more fear. You know some bitches and the other bitches always gossip about each other but still act friendly to each other, arguing over small stuff and alot more bitchy stuff. It doesn't happen in Bboks gang *I know this is one stupid name :P* There's our Mother :D Nyon. She's "huge" well uhh but cute as well. Sometimes she cried out of sudden which I have no idea how does it happens. Most of the time she make us laugh, well it wasn't really her making us laugh, its just something wrong with our brains. Looking at her for 3 seconds and I bet you will laugh. She always touch her hair whenever she's nervous or talking to anyone except for us. We'll definitely laugh at that if she still does that. When she sneeze, every of us prepare to count how many times she will sneeze. When she was busy with her work, we disturb her, if she change to another place, we follow whenever she goes. When she sleep, we will give her a shock. When she EAT for the second time, we steal her food or stop her from buying it. I remember i pulled her away when she was buying halfway :P We asked her to on diet for more than 10 times but she said "yeah i will. After spm" now she said "during college", later "after college, uni" "after uni, working"....... i think she will on diet only when she's in the coffin. Oh, her husband is edison chen and so we're the daughters lol. Me Jacky Cherie Angel Jessi Shirleen are always together and the mama too, only in school. They are the one who cheered me up all the time. Cherie is like a barbarian, for real. Sometimes i couldn't stand her attitude. I lectured her and she complaint to the others. Money is what we want her to save up. I don't know if there's something wrong with her brain or what, she's just like a kid, won't understand a thing. I really hope she can have some mature thinkings one day. If not people around her will suffer. Oh there's once I revenged for her on some form 2 kids who laughed at her and teased her in the toilet. She vomited because she wasn't feeling well. Well, another long story. It almost got me into big trouble with the discipline teacher. Angel is my angel :P the one who lead me to the right way. Well we weren't in the same class, sometimes she couldn't know much things about us. But we always tried to update her as much as we could remember. Jessi has been in the same class with me for 5 freaking years. We weren't best friends, but we are close friends. Nothing much about her i guess, everyone said she doesn't have feelings well its true :P everything in her mind is just "ulat" I hope both them can last forever. & we make her cried during the birthday surprise. A special birthday book was given to her as well. That was awesome. Well Shirleen, she is weird? She always absent. Always got sick and all. The funniest thing was when one side of her eyes was swollen cause of some strange insects. We seriously laughed when she talks about it. Her eye was really "awesome". & she always got asthma attack. Well not always. Conclusion, I love all of them. I hope we will not forget each other and just try to keep in touch with each other alright.

You know there's someone I always mentioned about. Someone who's really scared of snake, even fake ones. LOL. I am pretty lazy to talk about her but she will definitely kill me if i don't. So i am FORCE to write about it. So yeah, here comes the super duper small kid *rofl* She get dumb at times and i got pissed at that. Hah, even if we got pissed at each other, we will definitely pretend nothing happen and talk back again. Wait, did we even got pissed at each other before? I can't remember. My first impression of her was, damn what is she doing in this school?! why is she so short?! lol. Once we talked, im like "Oh cool, she's fun to talk to :D". She's the one who comfort me all the time although it doesn't works. We share our problems, SOME of our secrets, western guys :3 and alot of shits we did just to laugh. We did alot of things to prank people and fool people too :P No one knows how we did it and they will never know. I remember almost every night we emo about the same problem. Cursing them who treated us like shits when we treated them like heaven. Do we still give a shit about it? I think we're getting ourselves out of it. I hate it when she ignores me because of chipmunk because i did that to her too LOL. I remember when we kept telling people we're lessbian but no one believe, so i'm telling you people again now, we are officially together! okay? lol. She changed alot, i mean i never thought that she will ask me things about *ahem ahem* but she did. I remember she was only crazy about her Show Luo, Jolin, FM and idk which stupid artist. That really annoy me. We are not bestfriends! we're best enemies! How do we became that? who cares. OH there's once she was being blind and stepped on shits! & idk how the heck or why the heck am i the one who cleaned those shits for her. God damn it, the whole class was stinking like shit man. She have to be thankful to me. When i was walking around the malls with her, people around would stares at her, I always wonder how did she overcome that? But she's just too cool. Like seriously, every of my friends who met her said she's cool. Well I think this is the only time i compliment her that she's cool :P so you have to cry k. When people wave to her we would be like who the heck is that, but when it comes to be some cute young handsome guy waved or smile to her, we would be like "GOSH he's so freaking cute!! awww :3" yeah, this is us lol. I remember there's once she was walking on the beach with me *lolrofl* then when i turned my head around to check if she's following me, there's no one. I don't see her for the first second. Who knows she was sitting on the sand :O I asked her "why are you sitting there?" she's like kinda laughing and said "I fell down minli" and I laughed nonstop. Then she's like "fuck you minli, can't you just pull me up first?" She's too small to be seen :P. Ahhhh There's alot alot alot more memories between me and her! Our aim is always to the same person, it is "ways to make nyon cried" "ways to make her touch her hair" "ways to bully her" "ways to make her cover her face with her both hands"...... & She's the one disturbed Pn Hooi together with me. So yeah that is why Pn Hooi got pissed every time. Every teacher knows we stick together and I think some of them know we're big bullies lol. I think I shouldn't write too much about her. It might spoil her reputation. But just one thing i want her to know is that I will not forget you and i will love you but not all the time asshole :P if i ever forget you, show me this post. I will definitely cry about it and say sorry. If you are the one who forget me, I will go all the way to Aussie and kick your ass like he always wanted to. Memories between us are making my brain explode. I should stop. Oh, I haven mention her name. But you should know who's that bitch. If you dont, ask me ;) and i will say you're one dumb idiotic asshole just like her. LOL. In short, She is awesome! only when im around :) oh she's leaving soon, so i am going to NOT cry. I'm just gonna say goodbye and a big hug for her lol. Well i will miss you buddy :)

My awesome life in school ended. How i wish I still get to do all that. I really will miss all that moments. How can i still do all those shits together with my friends? Do you think in college I'll get to insult or curse any of the lecturer? I will get into big trouble if i do. In college, I have to be discipline, no one's going to tell me which way to go. The lecturer won't even guide me slowly. I hope it won't be another nightmare for me when i get into college. It would be horrible man! The only way to get back to school is in my dream. I really appreciate all i had. Thank you so much for leading me to the right way buddies and teachers. Guess there's no more sleeping in the class, eating in the class, playing in the class, fooling around. I remember how i ate nasi lemak in the class, using my hand, it tasted much more delicious. Everything that i've been through, the past, awesome memories will turn into part of my dreams. What pass is past, we will never get back there ones its over. So its here, its time for me to say goodbye to every of them who had been through everything with me. *Sounds like i'm going to die :b* Hah, but hey, I still want you all to be here with me. Anytime, anywhere, no matter what happens, I will be the one who solve your damn problems. I will be there to watch you tear up.

I love all of you, buddies :)


Your buddy,
-Minli-